my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
