dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
