u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
