Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
