I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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