Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
