i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
