I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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