She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
