Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
