I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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