Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
