also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
even my farts smell like vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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