i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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