The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
