We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
