he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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