i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
