My hand turned me down
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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