First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
