I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
