Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
