Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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