a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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