wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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