At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize