it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
