do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
