Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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