Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need water and some morals
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
