Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
