it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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