piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
