Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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