Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So many bounce houses so little time
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
