Small penises have feelings too.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He shit in the fireplace
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
