Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
