I accidentally had phone sex last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
