Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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