I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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