Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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