Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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