I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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