It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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