I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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