I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize