I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
