It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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