you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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