I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
