SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
