In America we eat man semen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
