we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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