you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
