Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
