Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the condom got lost in my hair
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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