She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
