Please, let me fuck your mom
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
