Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't notice because vodka
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
