You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
