Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think i have herpe
just one?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
