who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
