also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
