Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
