Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
